Olympiaa

what is up my guy, my name is John Cena and this is my story

 

Act 1: Genesis

I was born in Helsinki, Finland in early September 1907. I was definitely a handful-I was fat... nay I was ThICC.

Sleeping was a chore, as I refused to go to bed, I thought it was a waste of time (I mean at the age of two weeks old I had things to do, people to talk to and places to go SO I HAD NO BUSINESS WASTING MY TIME WITH MUNDANE ACTIVITIES such as sleep.

I moved to the UK when my dad suddenly got a job offer at the holy church as a pastor, when he had returned from his stay he practically already had the immigration papers signed and his bags were packed.

 

Act 2: Elopement

Another two months of filing papers and doing interviews we were in the Land of the Queen at this point I was approximately the size of a large platypus and I weighed about the same as a chicken. I was already slimming down my beer belly was quickly becoming smaller and smaller, my diet consisted of chicken broccoli and various other vegetables thrown into the blender to make a sister smoothie from hell. My parents were quickly getting used to the workings of this foreign land and my dad was beginning his reign of terror as a church pastor.

 

Act 3: The beginning of a journey

On the other hand I was getting ready to go on a journey it was at this point that my academic career began on September 9th 2004 I walked into my new preschool playground decked out in my PIN gaps wet suit and needless to say I was instantly deemed the queen of the four-year-olds I was the leader of my own cult and my disciples were constantly at my command ready to feed me grapes the teachers cap I didn't obey their orders they obeyed mine

this was my kingdom okay that's a bit of an exaggeration although preschool was generally fun I did have quite a few bumps in the road.

 

Act 4: Present Day

Fast forward to present day since I left college came around and finished I was still at my prime I started to really enjoy going outside for the small amount of sunlight I needed but still hated Celine Dion with a burning passion of a thousand suns I also won two gold medals for doing absolutely nothing and I still don't even know how that happened about whatever.

 

Thank you, John Cena.