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You play too much TruckersMP/ETS2/ATS when in real life......


Fummelprinz
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Hey guys, I had a creative moment in the past and made a Posting. A lot has happened in the meantime and I had the urge to expand my existing contribution. Unfortunately, this post has already been archived in the German forum.
But, thanks to my rudimentary knowledge of English and an unspecified online translator, I thought why not translate the whole thing and share it here!?
The following is satire and my kind of humor, not everyone has to like it, but I think Someone or the Other will find a point that match or something to think about. ?

So enjoy reading and don't take it too seriously.
If you want, you can translate these texts and post them in the other forums, but I would like to ask, that the person links the original and points to this post and my name.

I'll add more if my inspiration will offering new content! And of course, there might be some mistakes in translation, feel free to infom me about it!

 

You play too much TruckersMP/ETS2/ATS when in real life......


...You annoy your parents that you all should move to Duisburg to live there!

...you don't watch any porn on the internet, but are conspicuously often seen in the vicinity of the narrow delivery zones of the supermarkets!

...photos of Norwegian quarries stimulate you!

...you drive, with your Truck, through the backyards and gardens of your neighbors, to take a shortcut to the parallel street!

...your parents give you a train ticket to Duisburg and a suitcase set for your 18th birthday!

...You run to every police car on the side of the road and yell "Admeeeeeeeen, Please Photo <3"!

...You are visiting the real Duisburg for the first time and are amazed that it doesn't lag or stutter in Duisburg!

...You are surprised that there is "AI" traffic in Duisburg!

...you can't find a traffic jam in Duisburg!

...you drive through Duisburg at walking speed and occasionally stop briefly to simulate the "lag"!

...you painful realize that there is not a "No Collision Zone" in Duisburg!

...you drive off in Duisburg like a angry boar, ramming everything and everyone and later claiming that you're only just connected to the server and haven't seen anyone!

...You try to get the truck license and proudly tell the driving instructor that you have been playing ETS2/TMP for 10 years and are a full professional truck driver!

...you bring your Logitech steering wheel + pedals to the first driving lesson and plug them into the USB port of the truck!

...After the first driving lesson, your photo ends up in an online database of driving schools with the note "Warning!!!! Never let this person drive!"

...your driving school truck is a bobby car with a trailer and the driving instructor says: "That's more safe for all of us!"

...you somehow managed to get your truck driver's license, but you are laughed at by the companies when you ask for "quick job"!

...You are desperately looking for the activation point in the company entrance to get a quick job!

...You are surprised to find that you can go into the company buildings through the doors!

...you somehow managed to get a job as Truck Driver and on the first day you try to drive through all the parked trailers and trucks to get to the ramp!

...You then enjoy the "damage model" and chaos that you left and shout with tears in your eyes: "Finally, THANK YOU SCS, you are the best!"

...you have a long-distance transport job and you only have pennants and knick-knacks in your pockets instead of clothes, bedding and food!

...your dispatcher watches you, as you going to attach your Trailer to the Truck and at the right moment he sends you the following text message to the truck: "Press the following button to attach the trailer: T"

...You still press T and after 30 minutes a colleague says to you: "If only you had activated "Trailer attach for experienced people"!

...You drive left along the others on the opposite lane, at the railway crossing, to jump the queue!

...The other drivers hold a camera and a sign with "Rec Ban" out of the window while you pass them!

...The forklift driver sits in his forklift, crying, because you are again standing on the ramp between 2 other trucks with the empty container chassis to pick up the container!

...The warehouse manager yells at you because you've parked the trailer on the ramp again without opening the doors first!

...you have to unload your trailer yourself!

...you close your eyes to unload the cargo and imagine a time bar!

...The warehouse manager looks astonished at you and puts a pallet truck in your hand!

...You try to get out of the yard with 5 attached Megaliners at once!

...you activate ETS2/ATS Soundmods in your Tesla Car!

...You are trying to attach a tandem trailer to the 5th wheel!

...you come to the yacht loading with log transport trailer!

...you come to the locomotive loading with a container chassis!

...You notice that these two trailers and cargos somehow don't fit together!

...You notice that the Actros cabin doesn't really fit on the Scania chassis after all!

...you drive to the workshop after each successfully delivered load to have the tires replaced!

...You try to explain to your boss why you drove on the ferry at 80 km/h!

...your truck were sunk in the harbor of Calais!

...Your truck only sinks halfway in the harbor of Calais because it is resting on your previous truck!

...you drive in Austria with a rental truck and 3 attached trailers, without permission, on the closed pass roads to enjoy the View!

...you lose your job as a driver after 2 hours!

...your bank bursts out laughing when you ask for a €400,000 loan for a new truck!

...You are wordlwide banned from Volvo and Scania!

...You have to travel to other countrys to rent a truck, because nobody there knows you yet!

...You rent an old warehouse and start remodeling it to look like the 1st garage in ETS2!

...you do a lap of honor through the workshop before refuelling, if available!

...You're surprised that the roller door didn't go up automatically and the hall has a massive rear wall to which your truck is now stuck and the roller door!

...you imitate the "payment sound" when driving away from the gas pump!

...you already have 85 fuel theft reports!

...you commit your 250th red light violation!

...You get your 300th fine for illegal parking on the shoulder of the motorway!

...all Skodas in your neighborhood often have smashed windows and scratched paintwork!

...You finally realize that cows can't stand on top of each other and that they fall off the low-loader when you start driving!

...You finally realize that you can't build the same bull catcher 25 times in the same place on the truck!

...When you turn on your 185 additional headlights + the 800 smallights and the batteries melted after 1.2 seconds!

...the flash of light looks like a supernova in the neighboring galaxy!

...The aliens, who are on their way to us, turn around and go home when they see the flash of light and think "It's done, the planet has exploded, no need to go there"!

...The suggestions you sent in will only cause amusement at Krone and Schwarzmüller!

...you have the speed limiter removed from the truck!

...you change the air suspension to a wedge chassis or lower the truck completely and deactivate the automatic level control!

...You are enjoying all sparks and little pieces that get off your truck when you driving!

...You have to explain to your boss why 6 oilpans, 12 front bumper, 12 trailer bumper of your Truck being broke in 3 days!

...You are surprised that your truck, gets stuck in the soft grass shoulder when you overtake Others on their right side, even when you drive with 110 Km/h!

...you pull the school bus driver out of his seat to drive from Hamburg to Calais on your own!

...you see another truck tilted slightly in the ditch, aim for it and accelerate to give it a push to right itself!

...You notice that it's not so "cool" to drive around the curve with 40 tons and 110 km/h!

...you painfully learn the difference between 3.20 meters clearance height and 4.0 meters truck height

...You now understand what old truck drivers mean by "popometer"!

...You realize that traffic light poles can fall over when a truck rams into them!

...You wonder why everyone is swearing when you drift, with highspeed, through the open quarry!

...You are surprised that you get wet when you maneuver backwards in the rain and look out the window!

...You crawl immediately under your truck after getting out of it! (Dev-Cam Joke)

...you drive your truck towards the barrier of the underground car park because you think it is a toll booth!

...The barriers at the toll booths don't open fast enough!

...You find out that Germany has no toll booths with barriers!

...after 18000 hours of playing ETS2/ATS, you still haven't understood what a trailer drag curve is when turning!

...you put a banner on your truck that says: "90Km/h-REP-REC-BAN"!

...You wonder why TMP's "chat language" is still not officially recognized as a language!

...You managed to attach a horn symbol to the banner that lights up every time you honk the horn!

...The police don't like this banner because your truck is 4.5m high!

...you switch on the navigation system and you're wondering since when TruckersMP allowed a mod for the navigation system!

...The hotel manager doesn't like the way your truck is parked in the car park!

...The "F7" key doesn't work!

...you are driving from Hamburg to Frankfurt and after 20 minutes it is not "Kassel" at the exit, but "Soltau Ost"!

...You have more bans at TruckersMP than your son!

...Your son writes in his ban appeal: "I was at school, my dad played with my account" and this is the truth!

...You yell into the microphone: "2234, you son o*****, I ***** your mother and let you watch!", and your son yells back out of his room: "Noooooo, dad, please, not again!"

...your wife beats the hell out of you and yells: "What did you call me, what am I to you??"!

...your daughter's first words are "Rec", "Rep" and "Ban"!

...you bring your children and pick them up from school by truck, every day!

...you get a bill from school, for the renovation of the BUS turning circle, because you flattened everything with your 3 attached 60-ton low-loaders.....every day!

...you can no longer find buses to buy, not on E-Bay or any other common sales portals!

...after an accident, before the police arrive, you quickly strap your daughter together with her child seat into the driver's seat and put her hands on the steering wheel!

...you say "Fake Admin" to the BAG officer during the check! ( German Joke)

...You realize that you can't load a savegame after the accident and mumble "Damn WOT Job"!

...You say, when you are arrested, that you also want to become "Admeeen" and ask what you have to do to become one!

...You say to the judge: "18 months?????!!!!!!! This is my 1st ban so please only 3 days and not permanent"!

...You say to the jailer after 3 weeks: "Please Admeeen, I am bored, Lift the Lady.......pleeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaseeeeeeee"!

...The guard does not understand what you want from him when you ask him what happens if you create a new account and drive again!

...You get a certificate of honor from Steam for creating 2500 accounts in 2 years!

...you are customer of the year at SCS wall of Fame, the 3rd year in a row!

...TruckersMP has reached 5 million accounts and you can proudly claim that the last 150 are yours!

...you take your double bed out of the bedroom and put a driver's cab in it!

...your wife somehow doesn't like bunk beds!

...your wife is divorcing you because you are already planning a trip from Duisburg to Calais for your 3rd wedding anniversary! As well as for your children's birthdays, for Mother's Day, for Father's Day, for International Women's Day, for....!

...you drive from Duisburg to Calais according to STVO/European Road Rules and you quickly get bored because almost everyone else drives the same way as you!

...you are not sure, do you enter calais or duisburg as home adress!

...You are sad that there is no rail crossing to jump over, between Duisburg and Calais!

...you wake up in the hospital, during your vacation in Turkey after 3 weeks of coma, because you bragged about your Turkish language skills, which you learned in the game!

...You file your 470th Speedhacking-Report online with the police, because a car has overtaken you again, while you already driven 110 with your truck!

...you install the 230th dashcam on your car!

...no one can sit on the back seat anymore, because everything is full of usb hubs and hard drives, to save video as proof.

...because of this, your electric car have only 5 km range, that's why you ask Tesla for a more powerful battery!

...your online account with the police/public prosecutor's office is blocked and you can no longer upload dashcam videos!

...You apply to the Police to become "Admeeen" because you haven't been banned in real life, yet!

...You still wait for the Day that you be seen in 1 of the "Idiots on the Road" Compilations!

...You use this here as a Guide and try harder to get into the Compilations!

...You come up with such nonsense and create this forum post!

...you think after reading: "Damn, this is exactly my life!"

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  • 2 weeks later...
  • 2 weeks later...

I only read the top of the text it takes a long time to read the entire text.

 Kind regards,

!drkYVZ

 

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Languages that i know;

Turkish, English, Spanish, German

 

Have a safe trucking and have a good day!

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  • 2 weeks later...

Heya!

 

Since your topic has been inactive for over fourteen (14) days, I will lock and move it to our Archive section. 
We apply these procedures, in order to keep the forum organized and structured. 

 

If you have any questions, feel free to DM me. 

 

//Locked & Moved to Archive

 

 

Kind Regards

Nody,

TruckersMP Forum Moderator

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